What You Are vs. Who You Are
“Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.”
–Henry David Thoreau
Fourth and goal, with five seconds remaining in the fourth quarter of the championship game. Your team is down by 3, and you’ve decided to go for it all. The ball is snapped, and you run into the end zone. You’re open! You’re open! The quarterback throws you the ball. No one stands in your way. The ball comes to you. You reach out for it, and you drop it.
What are you? As the crowd will remind you, you are a loser. No, make that Loser with a capital L. L-O-S-E-R. Loser.
But, is a loser who you are?
Too often, we define ourselves by what we are, instead of who we are. Too, we define others by what they are instead of who they are. She’s a student. He’s a garbageman. She’s a housekeeper. He’s a janitor. And so on.
All truths about character, intelligence, creativity, ability and more get tossed out the window when we define someone by what they are rather than who they are. We assume the janitor is unmotivated or lacking in intelligence. We assume the man in the nice suit is successful and smart. But, when we judge by what a person is, we fail to appreciate who they are.
Those assumptions are perhaps even more dangerous when we apply them to ourselves, when we define ourselves by what we do or what we did, and not by who we are.
You dropped the ball. Yes, you are a loser, but only in the technical, literal sense. You lost. You are a loser. That is what you are.
Where the problem arises is when you let that define who you are. When you class yourself in the category of “loser” and give up. When you skip the tryouts for the college team because you’re a loser and you’ll never make it. When you give up too soon, and don’t give yourself enough time and practice to do better, because you’re a loser and you’ll never make it.
Who we are is defined by our attitude, by our own thoughts about ourselves. You may have lost the game, but you can still be a winner. You can get back up, dust yourself off, and practice harder before tryouts for the college team.
I think part of the reason many people don’t succeed in fulfilling their dreams is because they allow themselves to be defined by what they are rather than who they are. You can be the person you imagine yourself to be, unless you stop imagining.
And, many people stop imagining. As Thoreau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” It is probably because they stopped imagining. Always remember to BAA! Believe. Act. Achieve.
“Our thoughts form the universe. They are always important.”
–G’Kar, Babylon 5
It’s a sad fact that people are defined by their jobs. I’ve read in a few places that people should take positions, not for what the salary is, but for the skills that you can learn from the job. In that sense, you should be defined by what you’ve learned and by the amount you’ve grown.
I think that too often people also define themselves based on their life circumstances. ie. I’m a father or mother. They also don’t define themselves on things they love, rather they do it on things that are not emberassing to their friends/family. Take for example a new artist. Should they not consider themselves to be an artist even though they currently have limited talent? They are more likely to define themselves as an accountant than an artist in this society.
There’s my 2 cents. Great post again.
What an informative post this is. Too often we fail to acknowledge the inner part of ourselves because of our occupation. Assumption is the path to disaster. You may be a hen in the ground for now but one day you may rise as a phoenix and soar through the skies. The moment we stop dreaming, we stop striving.
I also feel that Thoreau quote (“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”) reflects how there’s such a drive in our culture to be what’s deemed acceptable or successful. It causes everyone to strive to be the same. The mass, where one feels a lost of individuality. Hell, if I couldn’t separate myself from the masses, to feel like an unique individual and my own person instead of “like anyone else”…I’d start to feel rather desperate.
Interesting how the unwritten rules of society controls most people. They walk around with a preset of definitions that has been planted into their minds from the time of their birth throughout their entire childhood. And by who? People that, just like themselves, have thought about QUESTIONING things.
Quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger: “The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.”
Now that’s a better mentality. A long time ago, he lived in Europe and told everyone “I’m gonna be the strongest man in the world. I’m gonna be rich in America. I’m gonna be the Number One Box Office star in the world.”. That’s what he said and look where he is now. Furthermore, I think we should all follow Timothy Leary’s advice:
“Think for yourself and question authority.”
too many people now a days are worried about what other people think. we’ve all been through high school and we’ve all gotten our fair share of wedgies, beatings, and name calling. but once you’re out of high school you realize that it was a very small portion of life that simply began to sculpt who you are to become. if you realize that you are only limited by yourself, and that you are your own worst critic, then you’ll see that it doesn’t matter what other people think about you, but what you think about yourself.
Very well put, DCR! If you limit your actions to what you “are” then you will never realize your dreams, and never “become”. Movement can only happen when one decides to be more than one is (or perceives oneself to be). As Ghandi said, Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.” He also said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
Thanks everyone! And what thoughtful comments you all had on this one. Great insights!