Weird Stuff You Can Win on Ebay
Running out of things to buy at Wal-Mart to add to your odd collectibles? Never fear, as you can always find something on Ebay.
Let’s start out with the obligatory “faces” that appear, as if by magic, in all sorts of things.
Faces
Christmas Cookie with Jesus’ Face: This one has double significance as not only does it feature the face of Jesus but it was also baked on Christmas Eve! Perhaps it would have been more amazing had it been baked on Christmas day, but the night before the Savior’s birth is apparently enough of a miracle. Although, if you ask me, it looks a little more like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream.”
Rock with a Face: This one looks slightly deformed to me. But, never fear, you can always find something better…
Ancient Rock with a Face: This one is a little more like it! Plus, it’s ancient! And rare! And, it will fit nicely in a pocket or purse, so you can carry your newly purchased friend with you where ever you go. Never be lonely again!
Big Nose Lemon Head: It’s bad form when you have to draw in features to make people realize that, yeah, it really does have face-like features. Scribbling on a priceless artifact certainly reduces its value. This one just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
Faces within a Wine Stain: I think you need to drink the other half of this bottle of wine before you see the aforementioned faces. And, you need to get pretty wasted before you bid on the thing, to pay that amount of money for something so vague and indeterminate. On the other hand, there’s TV shows like Ghost Hunters where networks apparently pay people money to find nothing at all, so there’s hope for this Ebay seller.
Frogs
If you know someone who collects frogs, you’ll want to get them both of these items.
Carved Stone Frog Pestle: Odd and useful at the same time, especially if you know someone that makes their own herbal supplements. Although it looks a little more like a baby Godzilla to me. Either way, where are this poor creature’s hind legs!?
Odd Frog Lot: Nothing too terribly odd with this lot, but it just seems like it should go along with the pestle so you have a nice collection of four frogs. Or three frogs and a baby Godzilla. However you want to roll with it.
Halloween
Halloween is only 302 days away, so you may want to pick up a few of these items. It is never too early to start preparing. Back in the day, my neighbors and I would begin preparing for Halloween back in the summer. Okay, it was mostly me, but we had one heck of a Halloween setup that grew each year.
Area 51 Alien Skull: Hey, wait a minute. How does this seller know that there are aliens at Area 51? Is he suggesting these were modeled after Roswell crash victims? And how does he know it “looks and feels real”? What does he know that he’s not telling us? You better buy one of these before the men in black whisk this seller away.
Strange Mummified Spider with Human Face: It has a “face” and is weird. Doubly weird, eh? Imagine the people you can scare with this one!
Squished Rat Jell-O Mold: Can also be used as an ice cream mold! But the big question is, who serves squished rat with spaghetti? Seems like a more obvious choice would be a rat and rice combo, served with a half bottle of Pinot Noir.
Original Duplicate
Star Trek Phaser Original Prop Duplicate: This is cool. It is an original prop duplicate. I think that is Ebay-speak for “toy, new in box.” I could be wrong though.
Not for Kids
Animal Crackers for Adults Only: Two animal crackers that were baked together in an inappropriate manner. Just think of all the odd and misshapen snacks you’ve seen in your lifetime. In the past, when we were young and stupid, we showed them to our friends, laughed a bit and then we ate them. Now, you put them on Ebay, and someone, somewhere will with stunning frequency actually buy the thing. If you had a nickel, heck, if you had $2.19 for every misshapen snack…
Genuine Hatching Unicorn Egg: Genuine? The platypus aside, the unicorn is definitely a mammal and, like horses or ponies or zebras, they would no doubt not lay eggs. Secondly, who would do this to a kid? Look, Susie, it’s a unicorn hatching! So, poor Susie watches intently as nothing happens. Oh, sorry Susie, the poor baby unicorn must have suffocated and died in there. Happy Easter! Yes, just imagine Susie’s face…
5 Flying, Screaming Chickens: After teaching Susie the sadness of death, let’s indoctrinate her with the joy of animal abuse by giving her these wonderful chickens that scream as you fling them from their necks high into the air.
Pictures
I Get the Picture You Want: For just $3.68, this seller will “get the picture you want.” Methinks he (or she) should have put up more of a disclaimer on this one…
50 New Modeling Pictures: This seller will sell you 50 new modeling pictures of herself for just $11.99. This one just seems creepy to me. Plus her smile seems to be a cry for help.
Odd
There’s no other way to describe these…
Old Hanging Wood Salt Box: Okay, this one is kind of neat, if you’re interested in older home goods. Circa 1930, according to the seller. That’s where you kept your salt.
Old Cast Iron Bottle Opener: Old cast iron bottle opener, or early CIA interrogation device? I’m not sure.
Incredible Domed Penny: A domed penny for your thoughts? Bet he’s making his money on the shipping.
Just Wrong
Some things just defy odd and are just plain wrong. Just wrong, I tell you. Wrong.
Last Ritz Cracker in the Box: In the old days, whoever got it first, got it. Then, in more civilized days, we might have used something like Paper, Rock, Scissors. Now, we just stick it on Ebay. C’mon!!! Too bad he spelled “Ritz” wrong in his title, because if someone was looking for the last Ritz cracker in the box on Ebay, they wouldn’t find his.
Pistol Style Lighter with a Laser Scope: As if we didn’t already have enough cops shooting and tazing people, someone had the bright idea of bringing this product to the marketplace. It looks like a gun, but it’s a harmless lighter. And, the ever so useful laser scope for the gun-shaped lighter only makes it look more like a gun and less like a harmless lighter. Yep, it’s all fun and games, until your friend goes to light your cigarette and gets blown away by the off-duty officer at the convenience store.
The Odd Couple Sings LP: Can there be anything more wrong? On top of that, if you try to copy it to your MP3 player, the RIAA will sue you into oblivion.
Well, hopefully you will find something to your liking in this batch of weirdness. I think you should bid on the Carved Stone Frog Pestle because he’s also a pocket warmer, and it’s shaping up to be a cold winter so far. This one’s certain to go fast!
What gets me is that the listing price for some of these things is more than the sale price. I don’t get it.
Aren’t all rocks were ancient?
Original duplicate: I think they would have been better off using “authentic duplicate,” because it sounds more, well, authentic.
The smiling rock face thing is a definite buy, not because it is an interesting rock, but because I now know that said rock was placed on the drunk brother-in-law’s chest while he was passed out in a drunken stupor, only to awaken in fear of the ghost-like apparition pinning him down. Sounds like there was more than alcohol involved if you think a rock is a ghost.
Stained wine box? Uh, sorry, but the only thing I see is a shape in the form of a wine stain.
Adult animal crackers? I love this quote: “We would have taken it on Jay Leno’s show had he invited us.” Well, duh.
What a laugh, thanks for the post. I needed this to start my day at work.
I think I saw the girl from the 50 modeling pictures on HotorNot.com the other day…
Well- I for one like weird junk from eBay. I bought a vintage gag gift hand knit weenie warmer in auction. Not only did the kids think it was hilarious, but it might be useful in Wisconsin.
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