With the writers’ strike ongoing (though it might possibly come to an end at any time, maybe even before this post goes live, rendering much of this moot), the late night TV shows are desperate for guests. Many performers have sided with the writers and not wanted to cross picket lines, so they won’t make appearances during the strike. Except, of course, on Letterman, who made a separate deal with the writers, but that’s doesn’t matter because he’s still getting trounced in the ratings by Leno. Which, in my view, is completely understandable, considering Letterman hasn’t been funny since the 1980’s.

At any rate, The Tonight Show is the only late night program really worth being on, at least until next year when NBC mindlessly kicks Leno out. Yeah, the fourth-rated network is going to give the boot to the guy whose show is #1 in its timeslot. That makes sense.

But, of course, this post is not about the idiocy of the people running NBC. Rather, it is about whether you would be a good guest for Jay Leno. Here are the three tips for getting on the writers’ strike era Tonight Show:

1. Be Able to Do Something Unusual

   Do you have an unusual skill or talent? Can you spin plates while hoping on one leg while shaving? Bonus points if its an old-fashioned blade rather than an electric! You’re golden! If not, start practicing… quickly! The writers’ strike could come to an end at any moment, and then you’ll be stuck knowing a useless talent no one else would ever have a use for. Well, on second thought, you might still be able to get on Letterman.

2. Be an Expert in Your Field

   Or be able to fake it, because the odds are you’re not going to get any tough questions. If you know that spiders are arachnids and not insects, you’re an automatic “bug expert.” Easy stuff. Spiders make webs too, but not all of them. And, in a size for size comparison, spider webs are stronger than steel. Also, did you know that all bugs are insects but not all insects are bugs? That’s right. Only certain insects are actually classified as bugs. And, butterfly larvae form crysalids while moth caterpillars form cocoons. There you are. I’ve just pretty much written your routine for you. Go outdoors, collect some spiders and insects, and book your appearance!

3. Be Able to Impersonate Celebrities

   Since a number of the A-list celebrities won’t appear, and even some of the B-listers, if you can do celebrity impersonations, count yourself in! Lacking the real thing, a believable close second will do. Heck, sometimes they’re funnier than the real thing. Okay, frequently they’re better than the real thing.

So, there you are. Practice, practice, practice! You too could be a guest on The Tonight Show. But, only while the writers’ strike persists! Once it’s over, you can count on seeing the same old boring celebrities over and over again.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 7th, 2008 at 6:00 pm and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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