It’s time for another installment of “Weird Stuff You Can Win on Ebay!”

1. Rubber Band
   Yes, you can buy a rubber band on Ebay. Nope, not a box of ‘em. Just one. The trick here is that it will be wrapped around something (apparently) but you don’t know what you’re gonna get, except for the rubber band, of course. As they say, life is like a box of rubber bands, er, just one rubber band wrapped around something.
2. Bologna Smiley Face
   This seller was frying bologna, and a smiley face just appeared when it was flipped. Now, it can be yours!
3. Dried Oranges with Faces
   These citrus fruits were left out a little too long, and then the seller cheated by drawing faces on them instead of waiting for them to magically appear like you’re supposed to do. Some people have no patience.
4. Jesus Hates It When You Smoke Ashtray
   But Jesus doesn’t hate it when you put out your cigarette in His eye, because regarding a graven image as Him would be idolatry, which is a sin. Still, it doesn’t seem right, but then are you reverting to idolatry if you feel it’s wrong? See, this is why it’s just better not to smoke.
5. Old Can of Sealant as Modern Art
   This might make a great gift for your buddy that collects pop art or weird art or whatever. Sure beats fake dog poop anyway.
6. A Kiss
   This is just kind of sad. No, not “kind of.” This is just sad.
7. Midget Peanut
   It’s a sad day when something considered too small winds up being auctioned off on Ebay. I’m sure this little peanut tried to grow larger, but was choked out of precious nutrients by its greedy siblings. Better grab this peanut and give him a loving home so he doesn’t feel unwanted.
8. Iraq’s Most Wanted Playing Cards
   What’s weird about this? Well, apparently these playing cards from 2003 are from the “weird weird 90s.”
9. E.T. No Hablo Español
   In some countries, people are starving. Even in America, there are starving people. But, here in the U.S., we cook up food, imagine faces on it and put it up on eBay instead of eating it.
10. The Trash Fairy
    Teach your children about the Trash Fairy with this fine art print. If your child takes out the trash, the trash fairy will come and hide a dollar inside the garbage. After rifling through dirty tissues, moldy food, and your cat’s puke, while getting paper cuts on junk mail, your child will learn the cold, hard truth: there is no trash fairy.
11. Dirt from UFO Landing
    The seller has agreed to keep the landing site a secret. To whom did he agree? The aliens? The government? The voice inside his head? Who knows?
12. Advice on Any Topic
    Okay, so, um, question is: how do we get the guy to tell us with whom he made the agreement?
13. Stick a Fork in It, It’s Done
    Some people just don’t want to wait for faces to appear in their fried foods. No way! So, they take a product which already has a face on it, literally stick a fork in it and offer it on eBay. Have I mentioned the starving people?
14. Smoking Baby
    Ceramic smoking baby. Okay.

That’s all for now. Some of these auctions are just getting to be very sad this time around. Auctions I’ve sorted through to find these gems are (1) people selling words (yep, their auctions have ___ ____ ____ and they’ll tell you the missing words if you win the auction) in an effort to save their homes from foreclosure, (2) programs that offer to show you how to become wealthy with your wife or girlfriend (I’m betting it has something to do with porn), (3) auctions with photos of half-naked women selling things that have nothing to do with half-naked women, and (4) plenty of other things that are just too disturbing to mention.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, February 10th, 2008 at 12:34 am and is filed under Off the Wall. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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