So, I was checking my blog stats yesterday, and up pops a new search phrase someone used to find my blog: “how to act creepy.” Currently, in Google, this blog comes in at #8 in that search. I don’t know how I became a source on how to act creepy, but it would explain the apparently special magnetism I possess that repels women whilst attracting creepy people.

Usually, I am the one to argue in favor of giving your readers what they want, but I just don’t think people need lessons on how to be creepy. There are enough creepy people out there, and I’m not aware of any University of Creepiness out there, so they seem to be doing just fine on their own without any form of diploma granting them graduate creepy status. Though, if you do want to try to outcreep the next guy, walk up to a stranger sometime and smell the small of their back. It’s creepy and I don’t think I’ve seen that done before, so you’ll be original at least.

And then you’ll get slapped, kicked or arrested and hopefully you’ll learn an important lesson that complete strangers just don’t want to be creeped out by the likes of you. People you know would rather not be all creeped out either. Do try to control yourself.

In any case, what I will offer is some advice on how not to be creepy in your journeys through the blogosphere.

1. Squelch Your Personality Quirks. Normally, you should be yourself, but there are times when maybe you just ought to put a sock in it. For example, if you have a tendency to call people “honey-bun,” even complete strangers, you might want to put a filter in your eMail program that automatically changes “honey-bun” to something like “you.” That way, “Thanks a bunch, honey-bun!” will become “Thanks a bunch, you!” which will be a lot less creepy to the recipient of your eMail. Better yet, use the person’s name.

   Mind you, there are exceptions. You should perhaps try to write in one voice. If you commonly refer to your readers as “honey-bun” in your blog posts, then a blogger who receives an eMail from you calling them “honey-bun” will understand that it’s just part of your personality. That’s a good kind of consistency, and, if referring to your readers by some cute pet name helps you build a relationship with your readers and grow your blog, there’s nothing wrong with that.

   The problem enters when you treat your blog and your eMail separately. If you call your readers “dear readers” or something like that in your blog, but then address them as “honey-bun” in your private eMails, that’s something that may turn readers off. They–especially those outside the Southern United States–may think you’re thinking you have a closer relationship than what you do.

   Which is a nice segue into my next tip…

2. Don’t Advance Your Relationship Too Quickly. Someone with whom you’ve only exchanged two eMails or one eMails or none at all is not your lifelong buddy. Acting like you’ve been friends for ages, when you’ve never met or spoken on the phone or exchanged more than one or two eMails, is creepy. You may feel that, because they’ve shared intimate parts of their lives in their blogs, you know them better than many of your real life friends. And, you could very well be right. I’ve been involved in blogging for less than a year, and I know more things about some of you than I know about some people that I’ve known for years!

   However, you can’t let that give you the impression that you have a closer relationship with them than what you really do. And, for goodness’ sake, don’t start thinking (or referring) to someone of the opposite sex who shares your interests and with whom you’ve exchanged a couple eMails as your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend!” That’s just pushing the envelope in terms of creepiness!

   I know, it can be confusing for some people. It’s like watching TV and thinking the characters are real people. Most of us know that they are fictional characters. While bloggers are, for the most part, not fictional characters, you still have to recognize that, like TV, you’re just a viewer in many of the events of which you read. And knowing does not equal participating.

   You can’t assume because a celebrity posed for a photo with you that you’re lifelong friends, nor can you assume that because a blogger sent you a kind word and shared some personal insight, that you’re lifelong friends either.

   That’s not to say that you cannot form friendships online, only that you can’t assume there is a friendship before, well, before there actually is one!

   And, that all segues nicely into the last bit…

3. Watch Your Tongue! Another thing to be careful of is what you say. You may read someone’s blog post. You may feel that you share those same sentiments. You may even feel that you’re just meant to be together, that this other blogger is your long lost soulmate that you’ve been searching for all these years. Surely, you will end up married and have beautiful children together. Three children, and you’ll name the boy Sven. And the twin girls will be Hailey and Amber. But, Anya and Amber would be okay too. And, you’ll buy a nice house with a fenced-in backyard so the kids and the dog can run around and play and you don’t have to worry about them getting into traffic. The dog will be named Spot, of course. And the cat, well, Mimi will just stay indoors, on her special bed with the pawprints on it. No, her name will be Princess. Or Princess Mimi. Or Princess Leia because you and your beloved both like Star Wars. And, the wedding will have been beautiful…

   Even so, even knowing the future so well, it’s not a good idea to propose marriage in the first comment you leave on your future betrothed one’s blog. Probably not a good idea to ask for a date either, especially if you live in different countries. Or, if your beloved is a freshman in college and you live in a rest home.

   Think before you comment. Really.

So, there you are. How many blog posts do I wrap up with “So, there you are?” I should count them sometime. Or not. At any rate, so, there you are. Now, you know how not to be a creepy blogger.

Maybe.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 17th, 2008 at 12:01 am and is filed under Blogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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