The Long-Tail Search, or How Not to Be Such a Guy
Oh, grasshopper, how you disappoint me. You thought all my posts on “odd ways people find my site” were just meaningless blather. Wax on, wax off, indeed!
Judging by the way you’ve treated me with your lack of visits, you probably thought I had no lesson in it for you. Oh, grasshopper, how I wish you had been more attentive. There was a lesson to be learned, and my car could still use a good waxing.
Let’s break it down, shall we, grasshopper? And, no, I will not honor you with capitalization, grasshopper. You’ve let me down. You’ll have to earn back that capital “G” so for now you will simply be called “grasshopper.” So, let’s break it down, grasshopper, and do pay attention this time. Wandering off will teach you nothing, except the value of a good healthy walk, except that you’re sitting at the computer, where wandering off constitutes clicking your mouse button and visiting another blog. Shame on you, grasshopper, wandering off will not build your cardiovascular system nor will it have taught you anything. So, keep reading…
But, first, grasshopper, knowing you might not necessarily be a guy, merely substitute “hunk” where ever you read “babe” and substitute “men” for “women” and so forth, and all will be well. Mostly. But I trust, even though you have only so recently disappointed me as detailed previously, that you will be able to figure such things out on your own.
So, here it is, grasshopper, you see SEO is a lot like dating. I was even recently reminded of the monosyllabic nature of most men whilst reading another blog. Upon seeing pictures of an attractive female, a few will have intelligent things to say while many will just reply, “Wow, she’s hot!” And that fact is that many have that mentality which is why many of them will be sneered at by women.
Yet, the fact remains that the ones with the intelligent things to say are the ones that will be staying home blogging on Saturday nights while the neanderthals are out propagating themselves and collectively making the world a dumber place. But, more on that later, grasshopper.
You see, many men will say something to a woman like “You’re hot!” and justify it by arguing that the woman’s beauty is beyond words and words fail to fully articulate the true extent of her beauty so he is left with only the feeble expression of “You’re hot!” to express the same. Yes, that is how the man explains it to himself and his buddies. And he pats himself on the back for this and congratulates himself on his assumed ingenuity. But, what the woman is thinking is “You’re an idiot.”
Of course, grasshopper, as you go out there into the world, you will receive all manner of advice. Some will argue that women, despite their protestations to the contrary, are superficial in nature and want to hear reassuring things like “You’re hot,” “You have a great body,” “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve seen since the last one that rejected me.” Others will argue that you must appeal to their minds, to compliment them on their achievements or successes, to engage them in deep, meaningful conversation, to woo them with remarkable words.
Yet, the guy that is inspired by a woman to write beautiful poetry or songs or some other creative endeavor will likely share the same fate as the creepy looking guy who asked her if she would pose naked for him in his parents’ basement.
How Not to Dress When Asking a Model to Pose Nude
Search engines are much the same way. Some will tell you that you just have to have the right keywords to be successful with the search engines. Flour your websites with keywords and more keywords. Search engines are pretty superficial and just look for those keywords. Others say you’ve got to have good content. Write for human readers, and not worry about the keywords. The search engines will be smart enough to figure it out.
Yet, your wonderful and enlightening website sits at the bottom of the search engine rankings while the neanderthal that put together a keyword rich but poorly written site trounces you.
Search engines are a lot like women. Women don’t spend 30 minutes a day at the gym and eating nothing but leafy greens just to hear the words “You’re so smart,” yet they will also reject the guy who approaches them with the line “You’re so hot.” You see, grasshopper, with women, either way, you lose.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking, grasshopper. Why do women end up with neanderthals and why do the search engines end up ranking those keyword-loaded but crummy websites higher than the good ones?
Well, that’s because the smart ones aren’t smart enough, grasshopper!
Take, for example, the keywords “naked women.” That’s like “You’re hot!” It’s a very common search phrase. And, lots of websites will be competing to rank highly for it. Likewise, lots of those monosyllabic men will be competing over women. Many websites will win, just as many men will hook up with women, as a result. It’s a numbers game. But, to compete, you have to spend a lot of money to get there and then to impress the visitors/women. It’s a constant battle and at the first sign of weakness the others will eat you alive.
Scary how cannibalism always seems to creep in, eh grasshopper? By the way, I’m sure you know to substitute your site’s relevant keywords in place of “naked women” (or “naked men” if you were already doing that substitution).
It’s a high risk struggle and can end up costing you lots of time and money in the process.
That’s why the smart men know to compliment a woman’s body while appealing to her brain. Win-win, know what I mean? The same for the search engines. The smart website owners will have both good content and good usage of keywords.
You see, grasshopper, most men will take the easy way out. They will approach large numbers of women, saying stuff like “You’re hot!” in the hopes of catching the attention and affection of some superficial, but “hot,” women.
Meanwhile, the smart ones, the really smart ones here, will be approaching a smaller number of women, but women of a higher quality. And, among those women, they will be successful in attracting them more often.
Oh, grasshopper, you disappoint me. No, “higher quality” does not mean we’re comparing women with store merchandise here. I expected better of you. Certainly, you can recognize that someone who uses their brain with more frequency can be identified as “higher quality” than someone who does not.
This, grasshopper, is where the long-tail search comes into play. Yes, it was a long way to get here, but, admit it, you loved every step of it, didn’t you?
As I mentioned, with the woman, you want to compliment her body by appealing to her mind. You can do this by complimenting things over which she has some control. She cannot control her eye color; well, okay, she can but you cannot be sure of that without a detailed examination a woman who does not know you is hardly going to be willing to let you perform. But you could, for example, notice that her dress brings out the color in her eyes, as the dress is something she has control over. You get the idea, don’t you, grasshopper?
Okay, the same goes with the search engines. You want to create good content. You want content that has your keywords, but also is very human-readable. You must appeal to both the body (keywords) and the mind (content).
But, as we mentioned earlier, you don’t want to be too simplistic about it. If your keyword is “naked women,” you’re going to be battling hundreds of sites to get that top position in the search engines. But, what you do is to take advantage of the long-tail keywords.
You see, “naked women” is very broad. Some people are just looking for “hot naked chicks wearing aprons.” Others may be looking for a “single naked chick.”
Why would you want to do this? Because, while the masses are fighting for “naked women,” fewer are fighting for these long-tail keywords. And that means it’s easier to get yourself in the top ten or better for those long-tail keywords.
Mind you, there aren’t as many people searching for those specific keywords, and that’s why you want to find a variety of them. In many cases, it is going to be far easier to get in the top ten search results for the long-tail keywords than for a more general keyword.
Next, grasshopper, you want to seize as many of these long-tail keywords that you can. Having, for example, a top ten search engine position for each of 100 long-tail keywords can be likely done with less effort than having a top ten search engine position for a more general term, such as “naked women.” It may also be more valuable, and profitable when you consider the amount of work that would go into trying to optimize your site to score highly for “naked women” than it would for these other search terms.
This is where you need to be smart and creative. What will people search for? Maybe they want pictures of naked women baking potatos. How hard could it be to rank highly for that? Nude and rude at the dinner table? Buck naked in the forest? Hot chicks boiling eggs? Hot chick strips? Use your imagination and there could be no limits to the number of possible searches you can come up with.
So, go forth, my little grasshopper, and multiply.
Long-tail keywords, that is. Shame on you, grasshopper. Stop trying to make out the photo and get to work on your long-tail keywords list. Don’t disappoint me again!
And don’t forget to wax my car!
Popularity: 10% [?]
What did I just read?
Are you trying to tell me you’re an SEO expert or is this another one of
those “How to Act Creepy” posts you are famous for?
Anyway, “Wax on- Wax off, Mr. Miyagi!” Or are you looking for a reference to David Carradine?
DANG- I just realized my teenagers have never seen KUNG FU- Hot diggedy dang! they will love that, I am out of here I need to find out where I can get KUNG FU videos… That was the sweetest show.
Thanks Grasshopper- I knew you were useful. OH YEAH!
It’s a dual purpose post. Takes care of two things at once.