Haven’t done this in a while, and had some requests from Twitter followers, so here we go again! These are just some of the odd search terms people have used in the past 30 days and wound up on my blog. Some are head-scratchers, some are weird, some are creepy and a few are even deeply disturbing. But, here they all are for your reading pleasure!
“How to Act Creepy” – Seriously, this one comes up a lot. Maybe I should write an eBook… (Currently #2 in Google.)
“bottled frustration” – I’m number 9 in Google, currently, for people looking for frustration in a bottle. I wonder if I could sell that?
“trek babe thumb” – Do you think some weirdo is trying to collect thumbs from Star Trek actresses, or what? Maybe he just wants a thumbprint. But, he just searched for thumb, not thumbprint. Run, Jolene, run!
“creepy underwear” – I’m currently #4 for this in Google. Is there some untapped market here I should be looking into?
“hot men underwear” – I bet there’s a site that sells posters of men in their underwear. Maybe I could sign up as an affiliate…
“vanessa hudgens dirty pictures” – They found me on page 2 in Yahoo, but I’ve since moved up to #5 on page 1!
“teenagers nude” – This one is just disturbing, unless they’re 18 and 19. I’m not sorting through the search results to see where I’m ranked either!
“photos of creepy loo” – Who searches for this stuff?
“dcr tear duct fears” – I’m currently #4 for this, and I’m not even sure what it means. Is it the fear of crying? Or, is it the fear that you’ll need to cry but your tear ducts will be clogged so the tears will just well up inside and the pressure will cause your eyeballs to bulge out and then the tear duct explodes, releasing tears behind the eyeball, which makes it itch and burn because of all that salt in the tears, so then the tears are flowing down your cheeks, but you can’t touch your burning eyeballs because they’re still popped out of the socket and it hurts and it burns. Okay, I guess that would be something to be afraid of.
“act creepy” – Currently #3 in Google for this. Again, maybe I need to write an eBook.
“the first thing you think of sodium is salt” – Clearly, Mr. Obvious uses Google.
“pictures with men in female underwear” – Currently #2 in Google.
“underwear men model picture” – Currently #9 in Google. You know, if people were searching for women, I’d think about setting up a photography studio…
“dcr operation blog” – Currently #1 in Google. Wait… Does that mean I need an operation, or that you can come here for an operation?
“model pictures guys” – #22 in Google.
“nude search” – Look, I really don’t need to know how you search…
“breathe believe act achieve” – Of course you need to breathe before you can believe, act and achieve. I just thought that was a given!
“pics of kids in underwear” – #6 in Google for this currently. There are no pics of kids in their underwear on this blog!
“kids swimwear pics” – Currently #10 in Google. You know, I’d like to think that it’s parents doing these searches, looking for swimwear for their kids for the summer but (a) it’s April and (b) would they include “pics” in their search???
“man and woman in bikini” – #2 in Live Search for this one. Okay, so normal people search thru MSN, and pedophiles use Google?
“how to stop dcr hotlinking” – But, I don’t hotlink, unless it’s to one of my own sites. I’ve being framed, I tell you, framed!
“nude guy” – Don’t know where I rank for Google on this one either. You can investigate, if you like, and report back.
“how to make achieve for blogs” – #3 in Google. But, can someone who barely knows English explain what that means? I’m thinking someone who barely knew English searched for that, so someone else who barely knows English might be able to interpret it. Then again, you’d probably just say it means “how to make achieve for blogs” thus resulting in circular logic that, though someone who barely knows English may understand someone else who barely knows English, neither one of them will be able to explain it in an English that those who know English know. So, never mind.
“aprons dotted nude” – So, were they looking for nude colored aprons with dots or aprons that were dotted by someone in the nude? Would men buy aprons made or decorated by naked women?
“if you aim for the stars” – Currently #9 in Google, but can’t help but thinking there should have been more to that search query. If you aim for the stars, um, what?
“naked women wearinf aprons” – Well, at least the Yahoo searchers aren’t pedophiles but they’re not great spellers either.
“dotted nude aprons” – Okay, so this one was a little clearer.
“how do I act creepy” – #4 in Google. How much should I sell a “How to Act Creepy” eBook for?
“pictures of naked women with tails” – Currently #2 in Google for this. Maybe there’s a market for images of nude women with like tiger tails or dog tails or maybe even lizard tails glued on or something?
“You feed me ground round” – I hope it’s cooked! Currently #2 in Google.
“how long do I soak wooden handle kitchen tools in mineral oil?” – Currently #4 in Google. Woohoo! Wait, I don’t sell mineral oil… And make sure you use food grade mineral oil.
Well, there you go. As you can see, no one searches for pig pencil sock helmets, which I dominate in Google.