According to Speedy, today is Mellow Yellow Monday. Yeah, I should know what that means by now, but I think it means you post yellow stuff on Mondays.

Today being Monday, I shall post some yellow things. Here is the challenge… Can you tell which things are really yellow and which are not? Maybe they’re all yellow. Maybe none of them. Figure it out in the comments!

Yellow Sky.
Yellow Car.
Yellow Flowers.

Or are they?

I also pre-stole a title from JD so you don’t have to do that either.

Yeah, when I’m too tired to come up with a title, or when it just suits me, I “borrow” from JD. In this case, I pre-stole the title because it’s one she hasn’t used yet. And now, if she should use it, it’ll look like she copied me. Sneaky, eh?

Anyway, I just (”just” as in a few minutes ago, but really a little bit before that because I visited a few sites and blogs before coming here to write this post) finished writing the sales page for my eBook, er, course. Yay!

Now, I just need to finish the rest of the website for the eBook, er, course.

Oh, and then before I release the book, I have to go in and edit a page because yesterday I found an updated bit of information so I need to get that into the book. Whew! This book writing never ends…

I already have notes started for the next edition. Yeah, haven’t gotten the first out the door, and I’m already thinking about the next one. At least I wrapped up this one–aside from the update mentioned in the previous paragraph–so I’m not holding anything up.

So, hopefully at some point this week, it’ll be up for sale.

And then you can run out, er, stay at your computer and buy it so that you’ll be the first on your block to have a shiny new eBook, er, course. Ha ha!

Who wouldn’t want an automatic watch? I mean, I’m pretty sure you’d go crazy if you had to sit there all day, moving the hands on your clock every second to keep the time current. One Mississippi, move. One Mississippi, move. One Mississippi, move. Who wants to do that all day long? And who will keep your watch going when you sleep?

So, I’m pretty sure you’d want an automatic watch.

Of course, that’s not what is really meant by automatic! An automatic watch is a mechanical watch that is self-winding. That means, instead of winding it, it winds itself every time you move your wrist.

That means automatic watches won’t work for dead people. But, on the other hand, dead people don’t generally ask the time, so it’ll probably work out.

But, what happens if you don’t wear your watch daily? Well, in that case, you can buy a watch winder that will take care of moving the watch for you, you know, on your days off from watch wearing. This would also come in handy if you have seven automatic watches, one for each day of the week. The watch winder will then move the other six watches so they’ll keep on ticking and be ready for their day of the week to be worn.

You know, I think I’ll just stick with a battery-operated watch. Much less hassle. Maybe just keep an automatic watch on hand just in case of the apocalypse. Then again, after the apocalypse, how worried will you be about the actual time? Okay, I’d still want to know…

I’ve talked about fancy watches a lot this week. And, you know, I bet by now you’re thinking you might like to have a nice watch.

Not a Nolex or some ridiculous off-brand, but the genuine article: a Rolex, a Submariner, a Sanyo, a Hydrocodone, a Codeine, a Yachtmaster, a Daytona 500, or an Indianapolis Speedway. Who knows? I know clocks, not watches.

The bottom line is that you might like a nice watch for yourself. And, even if you don’t want a watch, you might like to have the money to buy a watch. Perhaps not to buy a watch but to buy yourself something else nice.

What I’m getting at is that you’d like some extra money.

Well, you’re in luck, because I’m going to tell you how you might be able to get some extra money. Maybe you’ll buy yourself a nice watch, a nice pair of shoes or maybe just a six-pack of toilet paper. Look, there are no guarantees in life, but I think most people would rather buy toilet paper than use washable, reusable towels for the, um, dirty end of things.

Which bring us to this:

Look at that dirty bathroom sink. It’s positively filthy!

Do you think you could clean that up? I bet you could. I bet you could clean that up real nice, baby. Yeah, scrub it good now. I bet you’d get that sparkling clean. Lather it up with some Bon Ami, baby, and squeeze, yeah squeeze, that little wet sponge of yours and scrub that grime good. Punish that dirty grime. Punish it, baby! Clean it up!

I bet you’re feeling a little dirty right now, aren’t you? That’s because you’re imagining yourself cleaning that up, and it’s so real, you feel like you’re getting dirty. At any rate, you know you could clean that up. No problem, right?

Well, I bet you’d be pretty good with a broom now too:

That’s right, baby. Sweep up that dirt! Swing it back and forth, back and forth. C’mon, swing it like you mean it! Swoosh! Swoosh! That’s it! You can do it! Keep it going! More! Clean it up some more! That floor is full of stuff that needs to be swept up. Back and forth, back and forth. Keep it up!

See? It’s not that hard, is it? And you could get paid to do it. You don’t even need to work for the man. You be the man! Or the woman! Whatever.

At any way, if you can swing it like you mean it and scrub it like you mean it too, you might want to consider trying to earn some extra cash with some office cleaning income from your own office cleaning business. Just click the link to learn more. Click it, baby. You know you want to.

And then you can take your earnings and (maybe) buy yourself a nice Submariner watch. They really go the distance, or so my spam tells me. Or was that a different spam? Anyway…

Of course it does, silly! What were you thinking?

My spam assured me today that “boring time” will go faster with one of their “elegant” watches. But, here’s the kicker: they’re selling them at democratic prices! Whoa, Nelly! Who wants that deal? Eight months of Democratic rule has already outspent eight years of Bush. You get yourself one of those timepieces and you watch your money fly out the door. Nobody can afford those prices, spammer. Hawk your wares elsewhere!

Another watch spammer tells me that I can afford unlimited watches. And they offer some valuable information too: replica watches are cheaper than the name brands! Wow. Who would have thought?

Finally, one spammer actually tells me what brand of watch he is selling. “I selling Rolexes,” he says. He has several Rolex sports models available. One even has sapphire crystal. Does sapphire crystal keep better time than quartz? I wonder… Oooh, he has micron-plated genuine gold watches. I think that means your watch has a microscopic layer of gold applied that will probably rub off with the slightest amount of friction. Better not wear that watch with a suit.

The same seller also has Yachtmaster II watches and Submariner watches. Full 18K gold! Daytona SS too. Some kind of limited Coca Cola edition watch too. I wonder if that means it has the Coke logo, or contains soda? Maybe both. You know, I think I might like a watch that stores my Coca-Cola for me. Would it have like a tiny little refrigerator too? An ounce of Coca-Cola (note how I’m spelling that out, lest Michelle not get the wrong idea) in a watch. That could be awesome, so long as it is refillable.

Not sure if I want my Coca-Cola watch gold-plated though. I think it needs to be like gun metal or something almost black. That’d look cool. With a red stripe around the circumference of the face. And then the face is where the Coca-Cola is stored, so, when you look at the time, you see how much Coke you have left too. Needs a little sippy spot, like a sippy cup. You certainly wouldn’t want a tiny little straw–you might choke on that.

And, bubbles! Think of all the bubbles. Every time you checked the time, there would be these fantastic carbonated bubbles in your Coca-Cola watch. Floating gently about, they’d be relaxing, and mesmerizing. Mesmerizing and relaxing. Relaxing and mesmerizing. You are getting sleepy. So, very very sleepy. Buy my eBook. You will buy my eBook. When I count to three, you will wake up and remember nothing, except that you want to buy my eBook. One. Remember, buy my eBook. Two. Bubbles. Aren’t they pretty? Buy my eBook. Pretty bubbles. Three! Mesmerizing and relaxing. That’s how a Coca-Cola watch would be!

Hmm. Is Hydrocodone some kind of watch? I’d like a Hydrocodonary watch, please. It’s hydrocodonarific! And the prices aren’t painful! I think Sherlock Holmes would have liked a Hydrocodone watch. Maybe.

The final spammer of the day, or at least the day as of the writing of this post, asks me if I am tired of my “ugly watch” because I can get a fancy new one. My watches have never been ugly! How dare you, spammer! How dare you! And, no, I don’t think your timepieces are all that splendid. I looked and you don’t have any watches that hold my Coca-Cola, so how dare you think your watch is fancy! Bleh! That’s what I think of your watches. Bleh! Get a Coca-Cola filled watch, then call me. No, wait. You’ve already disappointed me. No second chances. Be gone with you, spammer. Be gone!

No picture today. You know what? I don’t have to have a picture with every post. Seriously, are you going to stop reading because there is no photo? Of course not! You’ll stop reading because I’m writing something mind-numbingly boring (again) and not because of a lack of a photo.

So, the other day, which would was Monday, I wrote the post that “Women Flock to Men with Fancy Watches.” You know, if you abbreviate that title to “WFMFW”, it is the same backwards and forwards. WFMFW and WFMFW. Cool, eh?

Anyway, about watches. How about a Breitling watch? That must be some kind of fancy watch, because it looks fancy. Is it obvious I don’t know much about fashionable watches? I’d research it, but I’m too tired to do that. How about a Swiss Legend watch? I don’t know about those either. Skagen watches? What about STORM watches? Do you wear those when chasing tornados?

A-ha! Seiko. I have heard of Seiko watches.

I remember when those underwater watches were all the rage. The ones that were water-resistant enough that you could wear them scuba diving. Of course, most people didn’t wear them scuba diving or even scuba dive, but it was nice to know that their watch would survive if they did. They might drown, of course, but their watch would keep on ticking. Maybe it would be a nice heirloom. Here’s the watch your great grandfather wore when he drowned while scuba diving. No, he wasn’t a scuba diver. No, he did wear a rubber suit or take an oxygen tank. He just wanted to test the watch.

My grandfather had a water proof Timex watch. He had several watches. I remember back when my family would go back home to Michigan to visit and, on several occasions, it was my job to set my grandfather’s watches for daylight savings time. Wow. My grandfather’s been gone seven years now. It’s been a longer than that since I last set his watches…

White lightning. Lightning wit. Wit lightning. White lighting. Light your way with liquid Ben-Gay!

I have no idea what that means.

Try a white lightning watch! The women will love it. Women like men with white lightning watches.

You’d think with a cool image like you see that I’d have a better post than this. But, alas, no. I’m still busy working on a client’s site–hitting the home stretch!–and, in my spare time, I’ve been trying to wrap up my eBook.

So, that is where it’s at. Now I’m outta here like greased lightning… Zam!

At least, that’s what my spam tells me.

I don’t believe them, though. I’ve never seen woman say, “Wow, look at his Rolex watch! I must have that guy’s children!” Never seen a fancy watch make someone the life of the party either, which is something my spam also tells me happens.

My spam says, too, that a way to a woman’s heart is with my watch. So, does that mean you could win over a Swiss model with a Swatch?

I’m beginning to think my spam is lying to me. What do you think?

I don’t think I’ve worn a watch since high school. Actually, in high school, or at some point in high school, I think I switched to a pocket watch.

Before that, I had a calculator watch. Or, I should say I had a series of calculator watches. One of them I modified to have a little red flashlight. Red because that was the only color LED I had. Oh, how nice it would have been to have a super bright LED back then! As it was, the red LED didn’t provide a lot of illumination, but it was cool.

Or, at least I thought it was cool. And that’s all that matters, really.

Before the advent of calculator watches, I think I just had regular watches. Not sure if I had a Star Wars watch, but maybe.

All I really remember, though, is regular watches, calculator watches and then a pocket watch. I didn’t “modify” the pocket watch at all, though.

My pocket watch from high school no longer works. It was the wind-up kind, and the mechanism eventually wore out or something.

My current pocket watch is battery-operated, which means I won’t know what time it is if we ever get hit by an EMP bomb. Maybe one day I’ll get the winding kind again.

Anyway… Watch your watch. Apparently, all the ladies are watching for your watch. Watch out! If you get too fancy a watch, women will want you.

You may recognize this photo from yesterday’s post. No? It’s the one with the plane in it.

What? You don’t see the plane? Okay, let me point it out for you.

Do you see it now? It’s the little dot (er, dash) in the middle of the circle.

Thus, you can see the “magic” of cropping (and enlarging). Without the cropping (or enlargement), it’s easy to overlook the plane in the sky.

Also, with cropping and/or enlarging, you can get multiple uses out of a single photograph.

Crop it from another corner, and there’s a storm brewin’…

Crop it from the opposite corner, and it’s a reasonably pleasant day.

Crop it in a different way and you have something suitable for something like a blog header.

You know, kind of like this:

So, there you have it! With the magic of cropping, enlargement and special effects (as mentioned in yesterday’s post) you can get multiple uses out of a single photograph.

Ever since I managed to find a way to squeeze my lens adapter and filters into my camera case, it’s made using those filters that much easier, which means when I see an interesting shot, I can quickly attach a filter, if needed.

As a result, I do better at getting cloud shots since I can use my polarizing filter. Can’t get too close to the sun, but otherwise, it does pretty good.

The above shot was taken near sunset this past Wednesday. The sun would have been about 180° in the opposite direction. The image posted here is cropped. I like the mood this one sets. The color is left as-is. The only change from the original image is the cropping.

Below is the color-corrected image:

This one really makes the sky look more like the sky! And sets an entirely different mood.

But, the top one is more true to life as I remember it. Near sunset, there would be more red tones in the sky. The bottom one looks more like a mid-day shot. Still interesting and still workable if you were looking for an optimistic mood.

Just depends on what mood you’re going for. And, it shows how easily a photo can be changed to create a different feeling without affecting the quality of the image.

Cropping makes a big difference too. Consider this image:

In the original photo, the plane is barely noticeable at all. Cropped, it becomes a focal point.

Take out the color, add some special effects, and you’ve got yourself a scene out of an old movie:

They’re running low on fuel, an engine’s out, a passenger has a medical emergency and they’re flying in the midst of a growing storm–will they make it home safely?

Oh, the things you can do!