Does a Watched Watch Keep on Ticking?
Of course it does, silly! What were you thinking?
My spam assured me today that “boring time” will go faster with one of their “elegant” watches. But, here’s the kicker: they’re selling them at democratic prices! Whoa, Nelly! Who wants that deal? Eight months of Democratic rule has already outspent eight years of Bush. You get yourself one of those timepieces and you watch your money fly out the door. Nobody can afford those prices, spammer. Hawk your wares elsewhere!
Another watch spammer tells me that I can afford unlimited watches. And they offer some valuable information too: replica watches are cheaper than the name brands! Wow. Who would have thought?
Finally, one spammer actually tells me what brand of watch he is selling. “I selling Rolexes,” he says. He has several Rolex sports models available. One even has sapphire crystal. Does sapphire crystal keep better time than quartz? I wonder… Oooh, he has micron-plated genuine gold watches. I think that means your watch has a microscopic layer of gold applied that will probably rub off with the slightest amount of friction. Better not wear that watch with a suit.
The same seller also has Yachtmaster II watches and Submariner watches. Full 18K gold! Daytona SS too. Some kind of limited Coca Cola edition watch too. I wonder if that means it has the Coke logo, or contains soda? Maybe both. You know, I think I might like a watch that stores my Coca-Cola for me. Would it have like a tiny little refrigerator too? An ounce of Coca-Cola (note how I’m spelling that out, lest Michelle not get the wrong idea) in a watch. That could be awesome, so long as it is refillable.
Not sure if I want my Coca-Cola watch gold-plated though. I think it needs to be like gun metal or something almost black. That’d look cool. With a red stripe around the circumference of the face. And then the face is where the Coca-Cola is stored, so, when you look at the time, you see how much Coke you have left too. Needs a little sippy spot, like a sippy cup. You certainly wouldn’t want a tiny little straw–you might choke on that.
And, bubbles! Think of all the bubbles. Every time you checked the time, there would be these fantastic carbonated bubbles in your Coca-Cola watch. Floating gently about, they’d be relaxing, and mesmerizing. Mesmerizing and relaxing. Relaxing and mesmerizing. You are getting sleepy. So, very very sleepy. Buy my eBook. You will buy my eBook. When I count to three, you will wake up and remember nothing, except that you want to buy my eBook. One. Remember, buy my eBook. Two. Bubbles. Aren’t they pretty? Buy my eBook. Pretty bubbles. Three! Mesmerizing and relaxing. That’s how a Coca-Cola watch would be!
Hmm. Is Hydrocodone some kind of watch? I’d like a Hydrocodonary watch, please. It’s hydrocodonarific! And the prices aren’t painful! I think Sherlock Holmes would have liked a Hydrocodone watch. Maybe.
The final spammer of the day, or at least the day as of the writing of this post, asks me if I am tired of my “ugly watch” because I can get a fancy new one. My watches have never been ugly! How dare you, spammer! How dare you! And, no, I don’t think your timepieces are all that splendid. I looked and you don’t have any watches that hold my Coca-Cola, so how dare you think your watch is fancy! Bleh! That’s what I think of your watches. Bleh! Get a Coca-Cola filled watch, then call me. No, wait. You’ve already disappointed me. No second chances. Be gone with you, spammer. Be gone!
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