I like retro. I think many of you regulars know that. 1950s’ retro.

I like steampunk too, because it’s a good way of making something look retro, particularly when dealing with objects that didn’t exist way back when.

Of course, 1950s’ retro isn’t quite the same as steampunk, but if something was made in the 19th century, it could still be in use in the 1950’s, so it fits. Better than something from 2010 would, anyway.

So, for my office, I want a retro look. I plan on getting a new phone soon, since I hope to do more local advertising. I have had a phone line for years, but rarely get any calls because most of my business is done online. Anyway, some local competitors have been merging and/or dropping like flies, so now is a good time to start boosting my local footprint.

So, naturally, I am looking for an older style phone. Something rotary but with push buttons. I’ve narrowed down my options, but haven’t decided on a model yet.

In the meantime, none of them have caller ID. I remedied that by buying a caller ID box. I got the cheapest one I could find.

My plan was to take it apart and make a steampunk-ish caller ID box. Maybe steampunk/1950s–who knows.

Anyway, it came in last week, and today, while the technician was re-installing the phone line (switched from the local telephone company to the local cable company), I decided to take the thing apart and see what I was up against.

The downside is that the innards are basically one piece, which is somewhat disappointing because I had wanted to make some modifications which I cannot do because of the way the thing is made. That is, I cannot separate the buttons from the screen. I wanted the screen separate so I could angle it to make it easier to view yet keep the buttons pretty much where they are.

But, there are no wires connecting the LCD screen to the motherboard. Instead, it is a special thingamabob that I don’t know what it’s called and that prevents me from doing what I wanted to do. Unless, of course, I modify the buttons, which is a possibility but means completely replacing the buttons rather than just utilizing what is already there and reworking it.

At any rate, I put the whole thing back together, whereupon I discovered that I had messed up the thingamabob and the LCD screen no longer displayed properly.

So, I took it all apart again. And fiddled with it. And reassembled the unit.

Now, it works again.

But it’s not retro. Or steampunk.

Yet.

Wow. It’s been over two years since I last updated The Thrifty Entrepreneur. I had plans for that one, but it pretty much only lasted two months.

My gardening blog hasn’t been updated in over a year and a half.

Geez. I don’t even have Blogger Memes pointing to the site anymore.

The pig pencil sock helmet still lives!

And let’s not forget about the dancing monkeys wearing shirts that are orange!

I also have a site on Business Card Advice, but Google doesn’t even think it exists.

Redhead Strips, Poses on Bed is still good, but The Stamp Report hasn’t been updated in over two years.

Little Too has been lax in updating her blog too.

Well, August is poised to be the worst month of the year so far in terms of traffic.

Unless a whole lot of people suddenly visit this blog today, August will definitely be the worst month of the year so far.

Last year, traffic picked up in the summer. July had more traffic than June and August had more traffic than July.

This year, it’s been a steady decline. July was worse than June and August is way worse than July.

Of course, it’s not like I’ve posted anything useful here as of late, but that trend began last year, and traffic had still continued to rise.

Oh well. 122 days to go.

First, of course, you need a dime.

Then you need a table shorter than a mime,
but tall enough for you to do your rhyme
while standing on the dime.

Next, you’ll want a glass of water with a slice of lime,
Without that, doing your rhymes could be a crime.
Or not, but do you want to be in jail wasting your prime?

Once all that is in place and on time,
place upon the floor your dime.
Then, stand on it and get ready to rhyme.

Remember, not every word needs to rhyme,
Not rhyming your verses is not a crime,
But give it some time
Because politicians are as wacky as a drunken mime.
So, be careful when you are writing a rhyme,
Big Sister is watching you all of the time.

But, for now, you needn’t worry if you can’t pull off a decent rhyme,
As you can just make the lines as long as you can to end them with a chipper chime.

When ending your rhyme,
Don’t worry about the time,
Just throw in a dash of thyme,
But maybe not on your lime.

Because that could very well be a crime.

Oh, and now you can get off your dime.

But don’t spend it all in one place, except for a pinch of thyme.
But that may not look right to some watchful stopper of crime.
And you could get busted, and thrown to the ground in grime,
And get yourself covered in an oily slime,
Before being tossed in a slammer, which would not be sublime.

And you’d wait until the test results came back and showed it was only thyme.
Oops, they’ll say and send you on your way, with your original clothes, still covered in slime.

Maybe you should have just found a rock to climb.

What do I see with my little eye but a can?

A can that is not currently in a van.

It’s not being cooled by a fan.

It’s just a plain ol’ empty can.

If it was scared, it could not have ran.

For no legs at all doth have a can.

If you were desperate, you could use it as a pan.

Cut it up all careful ’cause sharp edges doth have a cut can.

But I wouldn’t do that, not to this can.

It’s a grand ol’ can.

Oh, man.

So, I look for a word and I spot “link”.

So, I’ll need to rhyme that before I get a drink.

I may have to wash a glass from the sink.

Oh, let me think…

You could head off to a skating rink.

And wear some skates with blades of zinc.

I’d prefer they not come in pink.

What would you think of a skating mink?

Is that an idea that would swim or sink?

What do you think?

Be sure to say your thought with a wink.

Who wouldn’t want to be a millionaire, except perhaps a billionaire?

Mind you, I don’t expect that many people will actually have an answer for earning $1,000,000 in thirty days, especially starting from scratch, but the purpose of this exercise will be to get the creative juices flowing.

Some ideas are obviously going to be out. There are some things you cannot scale up. For example, if you write articles for $50 a pop, you’re going to need to be able to write 667 articles a day to earn a million bucks in a month. That’s probably not humanly possible. The record for typing is 216 words a minute. If you were being paid $50 for a 500 word article, worked a 16 hour day, and didn’t need any time for research or thinking, and could match that typing speed record, the most articles you could churn out in a day would be 415.

But that’s not very likely, is it? Of course, you could outsource, so, with outsourcing, it becomes a possibility. But, is it reasonable? You’re starting from scratch, remember, so you’d need to recruit writers and clients. And, you may need to recruit someone to oversee the writers or find clients. So, could you do it? Well, that’s a question you’ll need to answer for yourself and, if you think you can, why aren’t you doing it?

Another option is to find high-profit items. The downside is that, starting from nothing, it’s going to be difficult to get the high-ticket merchandise you would need. However, commission-based or affiliate marketing could be a possibility here.

But, let’s say you’re working on a 10% commission. You would have to sell $10,000,000 worth of product in order to earn your million dollars. If you promote a product that sells for $100, you’ll need to get 1,000,000 people to buy it in order to get your $1,000,000 in commissions.

Instead of promoting a physical product, you could promote a digital product. Some of these may offer commissions of 75%. So, let’s say you find a digital product that sells for $100 and gives you a 75% commission. Now, you only need to find 13,334 buyers by month’s end in order to earn your cool million.

Still sound too hard? Well, how about trying high ticket items that give you a large commission. For example, I think I’ve seen something that paid $5,000 in commissions upon a sale. I think it was jewelry or something. At that commission rate, you’d only need 200 buyers to make a purchase in order to earn a million dollars. That sounds easier than 13,334, doesn’t it? Two hundred is just seven people a day. That sounds more achievable than 445 sales a day, no?

That one’s going from memory, but here’s one I can verify. I am looking at a product right now that pays a $1,500 commission. That’s just 667 sales in a month that you would need in order to make $1,000,000. That’s 23 people per day. Another product has a $425 commission. That’s 79 sales per day, which is tougher, but not out of the question.

It’s all a matter of reaching the right audience. Instead of pushing low ticket items, consider going for the big ticket items. Either way, it’s a matter of finding an audience and providing something they want or need. People tend to gravitate toward pushing cheaper items, thinking they are easier to sell. But, if you’re connecting people with a solution to their needs, is it really more difficult to sell an expensive item than a cheap item? If people can afford it, they don’t mind spending money in order to get what they want or need. That’s the point of money, right, to get what you need? And we all want to make more money in order to get the things we need.

The thing is, when you shoot for the roof, you’re probably not going to much farther than that. If you shoot for the moon, you’ll be among the stars even if you miss.

So, let’s say you try to sell high ticket items in order to earn $1,000,000 in a month. Let’s say you promote something with a $1,500 commission. Are you going to be disappointed in yourself if you only make 5 sales in a month? Compare that with pushing something that gets you a $10 commission. If the amount of work and effort is about the same, are you going to be equally as disappointed if you only hit 5 sales?

Anyway, those are some ideas for making $1,000,000 in thirty days. What methods would you try?

Ever take one of those online career aptitude tests to see what you should be doing?

They often recommend stuff you would never have thought of.

Several months ago (or more), I tried one. Apparently, according to it, I should be in hotel management.

This evening, I tried two different ones.

The result for the first one was that I should be a criminal investigator. At the bottom of the list was a cook. Somewhere in the middle was firefighter or fire analyst or the guy that figures out why a fire started or something. So, I should cook things over a flame or figure out how fires get started. There weren’t even any questions about fire, so it’s not like I was answering questions like “Do you like fire?” with answers like “Oh, yeah, baby!” Not that that would have been my answer, but it seems like it assumed I like fire or something. But, pyrotechnician was not on the list. So, seemingly, I like fire but not too much.

After that, I took another test on another site. This one was long and involved and you wondered if it was ever going to end. Finally, it did end. I once I finally got through to the results page (after page after page of “offers”), well, the results are pretty much that I should go out behind the woodshed and shoot myself because apparently I’m good for nothing.

The only thing they did recommend was that I would be well suited to some sort of analytical position.

Which would probably mean I would die of boredom, if I didn’t find a nice spot behind the woodshed first.

So, according to these various tests, ideally, I should run a hotel, investigate crimes or shoot myself.

Deeds, indeed.

What if there was a need
For a deed in order to feed?

Would you be too weak to read
If you had no deed
And without it could not feed?

Would you order some mead
And drink it with your steed?

Would a mare have a need
For the steed to pay heed?

Oh, indeed.

Would to water she him lead
In order to fulfill a thirsty need?

Oh, indeed.

But would a horse need a deed
In order to drink and feed?
How absurd, indeed!

Would you bet you’d never need
To obtain some sort of deed
In order to feed
When politicians pay no heed,
Nor even do they read,
The laws they say we need?

Oh, how not to lead.

Indeed.

How you missed them, I don’t know.

Slip a sock over your toe.

Your big toe–both so you know?

Then I would get on the go.

The zombies are ’neath your couch.

Like a baby in a pouch.

Better to not at all slouch.

Get off of the freakin’ couch!

They are coming to get you.

They’re covered in filthy goo.

Horrible smelling, like poo.

Do not get stuck in some glue!

May already be too late.

The zombies have sealed your fate.

Don’t go try to set a date.

You’ll be one of them soon, mate.