Crazy for Capers
I like cooking.
I also like trying new things.
So, a couple years ago, I noticed that just about all the chefs on the Food Network were using capers. It seemed like everything had capers in it.
These people must know what they are doing, right?
I must be missing out on something great.
So, I got a jar of capers.
I wanted to try them. I wanted to use them. I wanted to make a great dish and when people asked what those tiny little buds of joy were, I could tell them capers.
And I would look like a professional chef because I knew to use capers.
Except for the tiny little fact that these little capers are disgusting. They can take a delightful dish and ruin it. You might as well pour kitchen sink pipe sludge onto your salads as use capers, because, in both cases, you’d be serving something just a couple notches away from raw sewage on a plate.
Yes, capers are a notch or two above raw sewage. Not that I’ve ever eaten raw sewage, nor would I try to, but, based on imagination, that’s where capers rank.
Now, capers are used in tartar sauce, and I like tartar sauce, so maybe they are good when they are pounded to oblivion and mixed in with other stuff that tastes a whole lot better, but, as far using “minimally processed” capers, um, no.
I don’t know what happened to the rest of the capers. Maybe they are still in a jar in the back of the fridge somewhere. I have no idea. I know I didn’t use them.
I also know that I haven’t seen any of the TV chefs mentioning them in a long time either.
I’m guessing a lot of people tried these things and were like What the frak is this? and wrote nasty letters to the Food Network or something.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll give them another try some day. Maybe if I find that jar again some time, they’ll have matured into something more palatable.
It could happen, right?
Really? I like capers. A lot.