Well, no, not really, but I’ll share a few.

Traffic on the blog continues to go back up, after having been in decline for a while.

January was just forty-some visitors short of December 2010. February did dip, but it was a shorter month. Had there been two or three more days, it likely would have beat January. March has already beat February. There’s one day left (today) but if recent patterns hold, March should come up matching January, if not slightly edging past.

My most popular post, at least over the past month, is “How to Make $1,000,000 Blogging.” People probably leave disappointed, since much of it was tongue-in-cheek, but there are a few useful tidbits in there.

Next up is “Weird Keywords People Used to End Up Here.” I guess other people are also curious as to how this blog gets any readers.

“Press the Shiny Red Button” is also popular, for some reason. I guess people are looking for red buttons? But that’s the ninth most popular keyword whereas, for March, the blog post was the fourth most popular post.

“The Missing Digit” is another inexplicably popular post. If only people were signing up to my forums at the rate they read that blog post.

Oddly enough, a post about “LOST”, “Who is Sayid?” has proved more popular this past month than Charlie Sheen. How weird is that that it is Sayid that is #winning?

What would you do if you saw a cow in a bar?

Would you drive her back to the barn in your car?

Would you demand she pay you with milk in a jar?

Would you drive her, would you, how far?

Or would you take her outside, point to the North Star,

And have her find her way back to the ranch of her scar?

Or would you call up the farmer and say, “Here we are!”

And what if she had gone to the bar with a duck?

Would you give them both a ride in your truck?

Or call for them a cab and give them a buck?

If they had no money, would you give them corn to shuck?

Or just kick them out of the bar and wish them luck?

For you, that may take some pluck!

Either way, in your pants your shirt you should tuck.

Hope’s been down the drain,
Since we got on the change train.

Now it’s all such a pain,
For there’s never any rain.

Oh, it’s completely inane,
Trying to spend your way to gain.

In the cupboards, no grain.
Get molested to board a plane.

Got kicked off the fast lane,
To a campground on the plain.

It’s enough to drive you insane,
When no job can you attain.

All around us there is pain,
‘Cause our leaders have no brain.

Reportedly, Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens.

So, apparently being rich and famous doesn’t protect you from alien abductions.

It’s a worrisome thing. One moment, you’re minding your own business, usually sleeping comfortably in bed, and the next moment you’re naked, gagged and strapped to a cold metal table while wide-eyed wayfarers from far away poke and prod you.

While that may be a typical weekend for Charlie Sheen, it’s something many of us would not consider #winning.

So, you’re thinking to yourself, self, how can I avoid being abducted by aliens?

Well, I’ve never been abducted by aliens, so I can offer you a few tips.

1. Carry a magnet. Yes, a magnet. I’ve carried a magnet in my pocket for years. Comes in handy, especially when you’ve dropped something made of iron or steel and can’t see where it fell on the floor. Some rumors say that the “little grey men” aren’t really men at all, but robots. So, naturally, they’re going to avoid magnets. Screws up their systems.
2. Know how to crash their ships. Did you know that if you take a hollow copper pole, connect a wire to the bottom end, run the wire to a body of water such as a pond or lake, and aim the top end of the pole at an alien spaceship, it will cause it to crash? I read that years ago. Never tried it, but I’m thinking I can assume it’s true because aliens have never abducted me. I’m thinking they don’t abduct people that know how to bring down their ships.
3. Pray. Reportedly, praying scares the aliens off. If they enter your room, start sincerely praying to God. Stops them in their tracks. I guess they’re atheists or something. Or maybe they can feel God’s presence. Either way, give it a shot the next time you spot an alien at the foot of your bed.
4. Eat plenty of garlic. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that’s for vampires. Well, how do you know aliens aren’t also vampires?
5. Keep silver handy. Either silver bullets or maybe a sharp pointed piece of silver or something. Aliens could be werewolves too. Why take the chance?
6. Get alien abduction insurance. I’ll sell it to you for $10/month. 6 month minimum term. If you ever get abducted by aliens, and can prove it, I’ll pay you $50. Contact me for details.
7. Don’t be normal. They want normal specimens. They don’t want anything out of the ordinary. So, don’t be the average person. Be a little off.
8. Close the window at night. Seriously, are you trying to invite them in? Close the window! Lock it good. Better yet, sleep in the basement.
9. Have a cow. It distracts them. If they have to choose between abducting humans or mutilating cattle, they always go with mutilating cattle. These aliens are some sick puppies.
10. Be prepared to think violent thoughts. The aliens cannot read your mind and manipulate you if you’re thinking violent thoughts about how you’re going to grab them by their thin little necks and twist and twist and twist until their head pops right off. Oh, wait. No. That was an episode of Star Trek. Never mind.

So, there you go. Now you, too, can avoid being abducted by aliens!

This pen has been stolen from you.

But, it’s okay, that was its due.

For you left it to advertise you.

So, for taking it, you cannot sue.

I just wish maybe it wasn’t blue.

Or with it that I could write a clue.

At least it’s all shiny and new.

Yes, that much is true.

Need more for the rest of my crew.

Or you’ll never see what’d they’d've drew.

Imagine

an

incredibly

insightful,

interesting,

and downright astounding

blog post

here.

Thanks!

Yes, they are usually automated bots rather than actual people, but someone is running those bots and if their bots leave stupid comments then, by extension, cannot the people running those bots be considered stupid?

Anyway, it’s odd the comments you get sometimes.

Had a spam comment from a post a few days back. The comment, which has nothing to do with the post itself, is seemingly from someone complaining about posts being put up in the wrong forum and how he or she wishes people would comment in the “proper” forum.

Um, this is a blog, not a forum.

If your spambot cannot tell the difference between a blog and a forum, that right there is a pretty crummy spambot.

That spam comment was on my “Jedi Horses Run Free” post, which also attracted horse website comment spammers.

As you may remember (or can see by checking the link), that was just a silly rhyme. Yet, the horse website comment spammers thank me for the useful post. LOL.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Oh, and then there was the comment spammer that said my post was one of the better blog posts they’ve read in a long while. Oh, I would be so flattered if they hadn’t posted that same message on like five different posts, at least one of which was utter nonsense.

Comment spammers are annoying and the world would be better without them. In the meantime, at least we can get some entertainment out of them.

Except that I noticed something in my “Boo!” post…

The text doesn’t appear to be BLACK.

See how it’s not quite black? Not like this one:

TRUE BLACK.

So, it’s a very dark grey. Let’s see if this is the one:

DARK GREY.

Yep, because it’s not this one:

(not so) DARK GREY.

Must be something in the theme I’ve never changed. Maybe I don’t need to change it. Is very dark gray easier to read than black? Not sure. It’s not as harsh a contrast as black on white.

Let’s try that line again in black… Is very dark gray easier to read than black? Not sure. It’s not as harsh a contrast as black on white.

Hmmm…

Well, no one has complained, so maybe I should just leave it be.

What were you expecting today’s post to be?

Were you expecting…

…nothing much?

Well, congratulations! You were right!

BOO!