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Archive for July, 2011

Mmm. Butter.

Monday, July 11th, 2011

Smother your peas in butter and chow down!

If you can afford peas, that is.

And, if you can afford peas, be ready to not be able to afford peas when they end up taking more of your money to pay for studies on the effects of pea consumption on the climate.

And then peas will be outlawed and only outlaws will have peas.

And outlaws don’t pay taxes.

So, at that point, if you have peas, you must be an outlaw, so the whole thing becomes a moot point.

Steal yourself some butter, drown your peas in it and chow down.

Silent Sunday

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

We’ll make this a quiet weekend. Please keep your voices down…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for observing Silent Sunday.

Saturday Silence

Saturday, July 9th, 2011

Shhh….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for being quiet on Silent Saturday.

Focus Free Friday

Friday, July 8th, 2011

I don’t where I’m going.

I’m wandering around.

Oh, to the house of contention.

That’s where you wanna be.

That’s where it’s at.

That’s where the party’s gonna happen while you’re sleeping.

I don’t know where you’re going.

You’re going down, down to the place by the river.

It’s a lovely place, full of flying turtles.

You’d never know, it’s where you wanted to be.

And so I say, that’s all there could be.

Oh, la la, that’s the way it’s gonna be.

Today’s Word is Love

Thursday, July 7th, 2011

But it may not fit like a glove.

It may rain from up above.

Or it may take a push or a shove.

But, enough about all that.

Because the fat is where it’s at!

Huh, it’s all where you just sat?

No, it’s standing up to bat.

That makes no sense, you say.

Just be quiet and eat your whey.

And sit and stay that way!

Yes! Wordless Wednesday!

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

Today is Wednesday!

That means it is WORDLESS WEDNESDAY!

Which means I can get away with blog posts like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Wordless Wednesdays!

Cinco de Julio

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

It’s cinco de Julio with Julio down by the schoolyard.

 

With a rhyme that would so ashame the bard.

 

Oh, you better never eat a ton of lard.

 

That wouldn’t be good, not for your guard.

 

This all makes no sense at all, read the card.

 

Who in this movie would have starred?

 

Ah, none of it matters! Go play in your backyard!

The Declaration of Independence

Monday, July 4th, 2011

If you want to post it on your own blog today, grab it from here.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the Powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws of Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy of the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free People.

Nor have We been wanting in attention to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the Protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

More Daily Nonsense with a Spoon

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

Here’s a spoon for your platoon!

Or is that much too soon?

For the spoon-makers, it would be a boon.

You could even make a spoon toon.

Or, who would watch that on the moon?

With a big projector, we all could, but not at noon.

Take your buggy out on a dune.

It’s still summer, mid-summer, now that it’s not June.

So, enjoy the sun and sing a happy tune!

Let Me Tell You About the Nerds and the Knees

Saturday, July 2nd, 2011

…and the chorus and the reeds.

And the tower with the power in the region with a legion.

And the bars up above in the cityscape like a glove.

Where the winds and the willows don’t delay.

And the make their figures out of clay.

When the stars fall down, you better hit the clown, before the devil makes his round and pounds you with the sound of the kettle quite like metal and your shoes will melt away like your freedom and say.

Then you jump across the hump with a little water pump.

Before you know it, you’re awake in bed, don’t you know it, ’cause you fell and hit your head on a molten piece of lead you had hidden in the shed.