Sometimes you never know what you are going to get in a post until you open it and start writing about goats and shoehorns. I know you are probably wondering what goats and shoehorns have to do with one another. Well, goats need shoehorns in order to wear shoes.
Why do goats wear shoes?
That’s a very good question and takes us back to the spring of 1901. Then, and there, was a goat. Let’s call him Gus. Now, he didn’t actually have a name, because goats don’t refer to themselves by name. Instead, they assign each other numerical designations based on a maternal line. So, in goat speak, Gus was known as Two of Fourteen by way of Eight. Don’t ask, as it’s much to difficult for humans to understand.
Anyway, Gus lived on a farm. This was no ordinary farm, though. In 1901, in the rural areas of Indiana, most farmers grew stuff like vegetables and raised cows and chickens. But that was not the case on Gus’s farm, which, of course, was not his, because goats couldn’t own land back then. On this particular farm, they raised creeping roses.
These are roses that grow across the ground, as a ground cover. Looks nice, but since they still have thorns, you definitely didn’t want to walk around barefoot! Or without boots.
Gus, as a goat, had hooves, but those hooves didn’t protect his ankles. So, to protect his ankles, Gus decided to wear boots.
As you probably realize, they don’t make boots for goats. So, Gus had to wear boots designed for people and to get them on, he needed to use a shoehorn.
Sounds like a good plan, except that goats don’t have hands, so how could Gus use the shoehorn to slip on his boots? He couldn’t hold it in his mouth, as he wasn’t quite that flexible.
This, Gus had hit a roadblock in his plan.
He needed a friend, but a friend with hands. Cows don’t have hands, nor do chickens or ducks. His only choice was to befriend a raccoon.
Randy was a raccoon who frequented the farm late at night, which meant that Gus had to stay up late in order to meet him. But Randy was not the friendliest of types; he was a loner and preferred to remain that way.
Gus was persistent and, by revealing to Randy where the best food scraps were tossed, eventually gained his confidence.
So, at long last, Gus got two pairs of boots, which did not match, and Randy held the shoehorn as Gus slid in his feet.
This made Gus very happy and he could more easily walk amongst the roses without scratching up his ankles. And Randy was happy because he knew where all the best food scraps were.
Unfortunately, creeping roses weren’t a big seller, and the farm was eventually forced to close and sold to a more traditional farmer.
Randy couldn’t come around anymore because there were traps set at all the places where the best food scraps were and the farmer was a little hot on the trigger of his rifle, giving Randy a few close calls.
The new farmer also was not too keen on a boat-wearing goat around the farm, but since there were no more creeping roses, Gus didn’t need the boots anymore.
Still, he missed his boots. He thought they were very fashionable.
And that’s the story of goats and shoehorns. I didn’t promise it would be particularly interesting, but it was a story.