Translation: “Nope, you cannot have my bone.”

Popularity: 6% [?]

In the old days, it would have been hot and raw in the kitchen if you didn’t microwave food long enough. But, is anyone else concerned that microwave cooking times appear to be getting shorter and shorter? Yet, the food is cooked…

Popularity: 4% [?]

Yes, it would have been way cooler for a “Feeding Frenzy Friday,” but then you’d be staring at a blank space right now. Actually, you’d be looking at yesterday’s last post, and those of you checking my blog before you have your morning coffee would be mighty disappointed. And, I don’t want your boss getting on my case because you’ve been grumpy and unproductive all day at the office.

So, welcome to Feeding Frenzy Wednesday!

First, before strapping on your feeding bag, you’re going to want to read these “14 Simple Ways to Convert Your Sedentary Lifestyle,” because you don’t want to end up being a layer of sedentary rock in the Earth’s mantle, where one day school children will look and point at you and make silly jokes about how you look like a big poo-poo or something. I don’t know. I don’t know what school kids are into these days. But, whatever it is, I’m sure you don’t want to be pointed at and laughed at, because it’s probably cruel whatever it is they’re calling you.

Yes, people say that little children are all innocent and inherently good and all that, but they’ve obviously forgotten their playground days. Either that, or they were one of the “cool” kids and weren’t laughed at and called hurtful names, so they are blissfully unaware of the threat these little school kids can pose. Does the FBI have wiretaps on their little kiddie phones? Maybe they should. I’m just saying…

Now, when you’ve finished spanking that kid (hopefully your own, ’cause you could get in big trouble for spanking someone else’s kid; heck, in some states, you can get in trouble for spanking your own kid) for giving you the evil eye and calling you a poo-poo head or, again, whatever kids are calling you these days, then you’re also going to want to check out these “17 Fitness Truths to Get You in Great Shape.”

Okay, now you’re ready for eats.

First up, we have the future of fast food technology, coming to us from our friends in South Korea. Though, after seeing these, you may wonder if they’ve teamed up with North Korea in an effort to try to kill us all with food. As you know, carrying both your food and a soft drink requires two hands, or multiple trips to the car to bring them home to the dusty kitchen you don’t use because you eat out all the time. Well, we can’t have that. So, let’s put the food and drink in a single cup!

I too thought of McDonald’s old “it keeps the hot side hot and the cold side cold” commercials from way back when, even before reaching that part of the article. Apparently, the South Koreans haven’t quite yet worked out the kinks in this one, especially with regard to the condensation issue. So, their plans to topple us all under our own weight will have to wait until they can conquer the condensation issue. Because, as Americans, we’ll eat fried foods, we’ll eat greasy foods, but we’re just not going to eat soggy foods, especially if they’re crispy on top and soggy on the bottom. If we wanted that, we’d cook at home.

Finally, you know we all face the problem of not being able to find eating utensils at work. So, we end up eating with our hands. And, that is not the best way to eat spaghetti, especially when you’re working on your laptop during lunch. Enter pen top utensils. If you’re really handy, you can eat your soup while taking notes.

Of course, the downfall of this idea is, who uses pens anymore?

If you’re still hungry, you can check out the “20 Worst Foods in America,” which is a timely article, since it just popped up in my feed reader just as I was getting ready to close this post without further ado.

Mind you, some of them look delicious, while others look like things you probably wouldn’t have thought of eating in the first place. And, I think #17 is sticking its tongue out at you. It has one black eye, one missing eye and still it has the nerve to stick its tongue out at you! Plus, it looks like it may be choking on its own vomit, so maybe we can excuse it from sticking its tongue out. It might just be a reflex action.

Have a great day and try not to eat to much. And wipe your keyboard when you’re done.

Popularity: 6% [?]

A cheeseburger is a hamburger with a slice of cheese.

Yet, we do not call a hamburger with a slice of onion an onion burger. Nor do we call a hamburger with a leaf of lettuce a lettuce burger.

So, why then does a hamburger ordered with “everything” not include cheese?

Just ask for a cheeseburger with everything, you say?

Well, what if I want a Whopper or a Quarter Pounder with everything? There isn’t a Cheese Whopper on the menu. No, but there’s a Whopper with cheese or a Quarter Pounder with cheese. So, if you want a Whopper with everything, including cheese, you have to order a Whopper with cheese and everything.

Isn’t that redundant? You almost feel stupid having to ask for it that way. You almost expect them to treat you like you’re a moron for thinking that everything doesn’t include cheese.

Almost. Because if you’ve ever ordered “everything” and not gotten cheese, you quickly learn that, no matter how stupid it makes you feel, you have to order a Whopper with cheese and everything.

Of course, one must expect this sort of thing in a culture that votes “w00t” as the word of the year…

And, before any of you launches into a lecture on the badness of eating fast food, I don’t eat fast food seven days a week. I don’t remember the last time I even had a Whopper, so buzz off!

Popularity: 5% [?]

Last weekend in Michigan, we bought a half-bushel of tomatos for $4 (compared to $4 for 4 tomatos in Ohio).

So, for the past two evenings, I have been making salsa. The refrigerator is now stocked with mild salsa, medium salsa, hot salsa, hotter salsa, pico de gallo, garden pico de gallo, salsa verde and chimichurri. And there is still a bunch of tomatos left!

There would be more salsa, but I ran out of containers (and space) to put any more.

Stir-fry may be on the menu for the weekend.

Popularity: 6% [?]