Since I’m fresh out of ideas for today, I will recycle a post in its partiality.

This image was from March 14, 2010, entitled “Snow Planet.”

There’s no planet like Snow Planet that’s no planet at all.

Here’s a flashback from December 08, 2007: “Winter Snow.”

Would it be safe to stay in the basement if the world ends?

That was apparently a popular question last month.

The answer, of course, depends on how the world ends.

Now, according to one preacher, the world was supposed to experience the Rapture last month. Well, in case of Rapture, staying in the basement isn’t going to prevent anything. God will find you. The point of the Rapture is to save people from the end of the world, so being raptured would be safer than staying in your basement.

On the other hand, if aliens come to Earth and begin abducting people in a Rapture-like fashion, then your basement may or may not be safe, depending upon the sophistication of their sensors and transportation technologies.

If the world ends in a flood, staying in the basement will likely not be safe, unless you have a waterproof basement with doors with waterproof seals and all that, which is likely not standard issue in most homes.

If the world ends in severe winds, you may be safe in your basement.

If an asteroid hits the Earth, you’ll be safe in your basement, unless, of course, it’s a direct hit, in which case, you’ll be flatter than a sheet of paper whether you were outside, upstairs or in the basement.

If the Earth explodes, staying in your basement will not be safe.

If the world ends due to a nuclear, biological or chemical attack, you may be safe in your basement if it has been sufficiently secured against such things. Various instructions for turning your basement into an effective shelter under such circumstances are widely available online, including old government resources from the 1950’s and 1960’s.

If the world ends due to a zombie apocalypse, you may be safe in your basement, if you can secure the doors and windows and if your zombified relatives and neighbors don’t have the key.

If the world ends due to a gamma ray burst, you may be safe in your basement, but it won’t much matter because everything on the surface of the Earth will be dead and you’ll probably starve to death as soon as your food supplies run out.

If the world ends due to the sun dying or going supernova or whatever, your basement will not be safe because you’ll either freeze to death or fry to a crisp.

Of course, the end of the world is the end of the world, and your basement is part of the world. So, if the world ends, so does your basement. Generally, though, when people talk about the end of the world, they probably mean the almost end of the world, as in the end of civilization as we know it, and not the end end. Because the end end is the end end, you know?

So, the bottom line is, whether or not you’ll be safe in your basement if the world ends will depend largely on how the world ends.

Reportedly, Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens.

So, apparently being rich and famous doesn’t protect you from alien abductions.

It’s a worrisome thing. One moment, you’re minding your own business, usually sleeping comfortably in bed, and the next moment you’re naked, gagged and strapped to a cold metal table while wide-eyed wayfarers from far away poke and prod you.

While that may be a typical weekend for Charlie Sheen, it’s something many of us would not consider #winning.

So, you’re thinking to yourself, self, how can I avoid being abducted by aliens?

Well, I’ve never been abducted by aliens, so I can offer you a few tips.

1. Carry a magnet. Yes, a magnet. I’ve carried a magnet in my pocket for years. Comes in handy, especially when you’ve dropped something made of iron or steel and can’t see where it fell on the floor. Some rumors say that the “little grey men” aren’t really men at all, but robots. So, naturally, they’re going to avoid magnets. Screws up their systems.
2. Know how to crash their ships. Did you know that if you take a hollow copper pole, connect a wire to the bottom end, run the wire to a body of water such as a pond or lake, and aim the top end of the pole at an alien spaceship, it will cause it to crash? I read that years ago. Never tried it, but I’m thinking I can assume it’s true because aliens have never abducted me. I’m thinking they don’t abduct people that know how to bring down their ships.
3. Pray. Reportedly, praying scares the aliens off. If they enter your room, start sincerely praying to God. Stops them in their tracks. I guess they’re atheists or something. Or maybe they can feel God’s presence. Either way, give it a shot the next time you spot an alien at the foot of your bed.
4. Eat plenty of garlic. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that’s for vampires. Well, how do you know aliens aren’t also vampires?
5. Keep silver handy. Either silver bullets or maybe a sharp pointed piece of silver or something. Aliens could be werewolves too. Why take the chance?
6. Get alien abduction insurance. I’ll sell it to you for $10/month. 6 month minimum term. If you ever get abducted by aliens, and can prove it, I’ll pay you $50. Contact me for details.
7. Don’t be normal. They want normal specimens. They don’t want anything out of the ordinary. So, don’t be the average person. Be a little off.
8. Close the window at night. Seriously, are you trying to invite them in? Close the window! Lock it good. Better yet, sleep in the basement.
9. Have a cow. It distracts them. If they have to choose between abducting humans or mutilating cattle, they always go with mutilating cattle. These aliens are some sick puppies.
10. Be prepared to think violent thoughts. The aliens cannot read your mind and manipulate you if you’re thinking violent thoughts about how you’re going to grab them by their thin little necks and twist and twist and twist until their head pops right off. Oh, wait. No. That was an episode of Star Trek. Never mind.

So, there you go. Now you, too, can avoid being abducted by aliens!

Tagline on a food product: “…the [snack] Mother Nature would eat!”

That begs the question, what would Mother Nature eat?

Would she eat carrots?

Wouldn’t that be like murdering her own children?

Would she eat fruit?

Wouldn’t that be kind of sick too? Pulling things off your children and eating them?

Maybe she just drinks water and uses photosynthesis, like plants?

Or maybe, when no one is looking, she whacks a wild boar over the head and has a pig roast.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking, how can she have a fire without using wood?

Dried leaves, my friend. Dried leaves. And there’s lots of them in the fall.

But, where do they all go?

Hmmm?

Well, now you know.

Two trick-or-treaters this year. At the same time. So, just one incident, I suppose, if you want to call it that.

In other news, I may be on a sugar high the next couple weeks.

When the past collides with the bright future,
Anything can happen, that is true, for sure.

Zombies run around, wanting for no cure.
Finding brains tasty, undeath they’ll endure.

Running and screaming, people turn azure,
Because the zombies infect them impure.

Into the sunshine, people they do lure.
Sunlight means safety, themselves they assure.

Zombies aren’t vampires, so light not secure.
Alas the people, pity them, fools poor.

Travel now safely, smiles ought not allure,
For where there’re zombies, not marked in brochure.

Jabberty wibbledy doo.

The mouse ran ’round the flue.

Were you small so could you.

This much I know is true.

Jabberty wibbledy doe.

The mouse went out to mow

With a swollen red toe.

Why? You would like to know.

Jabberty wibbledy does.

The mouse heard quite a buzz.

A bee was stuck in fuzz.

Why she was there? Because.

Jabberty wibbledy done.

Welcome to Chihuahua World.

There’s just not enough room in this city for two Chihuahuas. So, Little One has claimed this tiny urban planet as her own.

But the tiny city world spins fast, like a record player, baby, spinning right round, right round, so you have to hold on tight!

Yeah, I know you’re thinking that the faster the planet spins, the tighter the grip that gravity will hold, but you forget that this is a tiny planet and there are larger planets nearby. So, if you don’t hold on tight, you’ll find yourself orbiting one of those other planets. And, if you don’t have your spacesuit on, well, that wouldn’t be good.

The snow planet… that’s snow place to live!

It’s a tiny little planet with just room for a few trees and a little shed. No idea what’s on the other side of the planet. Just more trees, probably.

Located in the Yardoutback Solar System, the snow planet is a nice little place to visit, but there’s no room to live there!

Unless, of course, you dig into the planet’s center–maybe it’s hollow!–and move the dangling roots out of your way and you could have a comfortable 500 square foot subterranean house. Then, build a stairway leading up into the shed and you’re all set. No one will know you’re living there, so your privacy will be assured.

Also, there are no taxes on the Snow Planet, so the living is good.