Have you checked out Exit 78 today?

Archive for the ‘Off the Wall’ Category

Lesions of the Fall

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

Lesions of the Fall

There’s almost no fooling Deborah.

She guessed that the “Lesions of Followers” image was of lesions on a brown leaf.

She was mostly right.

They were actually pink lesions on a green leaf.

I used Photoshop to adjust the green to make it a skin tone color. So, it could have been lesions on a palm or sole, but, nope, Deborah still recognized it as a leaf.

So, Deborah wins the envy of her fellow blog reader. Congratulations, Deborah, Michelle now envies you. ;)

Lesions of Followers

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

Lesions

Be careful what you wish for.

I wanted legions of followers.

Instead, I got lesions of followers.

Anyway, so let’s see who can correctly guess where these lesions are and what they are. Answer in the comments! The first person to correctly answer will be the envy of their peers. Maybe.

Resistance is Futile Friday

Friday, June 26th, 2009

Spider Cyborg

Designation: 2 of 2

Resistance is futile! Even the spiders will be assimilated!

See Sunday’s blog post on the Daring Jumping Spider to read more about this spider.

Psychedelic Blog Post

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

Would you tango for two to hang out at the zoo? Would you sit down and play the wazoo?

Could you have and hold a great silver mold and use it to make something bold?

Would you leech at the beach and get sand in your feech and make foodle wagoogle ga goo?

Oh, I get by with a lil’ help from Google trends. I get by with a lil’ help from steel with the bends.

Would you bloogle a woogle to sooth a noodle if it meant soggy soup for the stew?

Would you be happy for one month or two? Would you take it to the corner wagoo?

Oh, it’s sad to be mad when you’re glad for a lad who had a supper for new.

Would you wear a wooden shoe to make tulips for you if you had a flower factory? Would it be satisfactory to the olfactory or would you close to make a moo?

Hoodles of doodles and goodles of moodles say you cannoo cachoo cachoo. Want to, do you, do you?

Would you get trippy with a hippy to drink from a sippy and act all pippy when you start to feel tippy and start to feel nippy and more than a little mippy when you can’t get a grippy when your friend gets lippy and falls off the shippy and you feel zippy so you run with a wippy and make up a quippy as you unload a frippy bippy doo?

Would you, would you, for two?

Life is like an ol’ box of chocolates, with nothing but wrappers and half-chewed rejected candies and goo. Would you like two? One for me and one for you? But you can have mine. That would be fine, as I don’t need a line in the sand for a moggle of pine.

Could you decipher a cypher concealed in the hide of a heifer or would you need an inspection of a lifer who escaped from the jailer and never paid bail–or would you take the cow’s word as a moo?

Who would go crazy for a bag of lazy if it were maize-y and blue? Would that be a clue to get potluck stew and serve it when you’re feeling hazy and quite like a daisy who fell from a sill to the flue? Please send a SASE if you’d like a raise-y or send the dollar of two, down at the zoo, where penguins are too, woo woo wooey woo.

Do you want to maintain focus or be like a crocus and gone when the summer comes due? If it’s focus you want, begin by putting that focus on something you like, like a lion and a moon bat at the zoo. Or maybe a car or that girl at the bar. Or maybe just the brightest star.

You put that focus, no hocus pocus, on that thing that you like, oh, so-so. Once you can keep that image in mind, hold it for as long as you can. Keep holding, keep holding and keep on trucking, and see how long you can keep that image in mind. But don’t go off the road or you’ll get fined!

Sparklies! Sparklies! Who likes the sparklies?

And once you have the focus and once you’ve lost the focus, keep track of the time. Resolve to do better next time. You just have to keep practicing, as much as you can. Over time, you’ll see that your focus will improve. You’ll be able to keep those images in mind longer and longer. Yes, you can!

And then the health care system will get all screwed over and you’ll wait in line just for an appointment and you’ll never be treated on time. But, it’s okay. You’ll be fine, until they deny the service you need because you’re not worth it. You’re just a number. When you’re gone, there’ll be another in line.

But keep your focus and keep practicing to hold it. Once you’ve achieved satisfactory results, move on to concentrating on things that are less liked by you. Pick things you find boring and uninspiring. Like Mr. Teleprompter. Try to focus on those things and keep practicing.

Through the course of your life, you’ll have many occasions where you’ll need to focus on tasks that are unpleasant or just nauseatingly boring. But, it will be important to focus, so focus you must! So, to be ready when the time is at hand, it’s best to be in practice. So, practice away! Always practice! Keep it up! When ever you have a spare moment, practice! Like, when you’re waiting in line to get some cough medicine and Dr. Gov tells you it’ll be a two week wait.

Oooh, sparklies!

Have You Ever Seen Anything So Strange?

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Groundhog

Hello, Mr. Groundhog.

I bet you’ve seen some strange things so far in your short life.

I bet you’ve seen one of your friends take home an odd wife,
And that she was a squirrel made for a terr’ble strife.

I bet you have seen some friends chased away by a broom
That was made with a stick and some old Fruit of the Loom.

I bet you have some friends who just hang out at the zoo.
I bet for fun they speak to snakes, saying “coo” or “moo.”

But surely you’ve never seen a banana gone blue?

Blue Banana

What Would You Do, Redux

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Shredded Money

What would you do if money was all gone?
Would you stand up and sing a silly song?

What if all the world was going downhill,
Would you swallow a bitter little pill?

Would you stay up until the morning dawn
Working for peanuts and a dried brown lawn?

Would you move into a small dirty car
And park it outside of the local bar?

Would you still keep writing a daily blog
While sharing a pen with a muddy hog?

Or, would you just sit out on your dead lawn
While you finished your milk and last bonbon?

What Wood You Do?

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Woodgrain

What wood you do if I sanded along
And dropped a few notes of my silly song?

Wood you freak out and drop a silver tong,
Or head to town for a game of ping pong?

Wood you let ice cream melt down your blue thong,
Or let it drip down your bust of King Kong?

What wood you do if I righted a wrong
Before you walked up and banged on the gong?

Hammer Time!

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

I call this “Hammer Time!” For one thing, the hands are hammers. For another thing, since it’s not a real clock, you can’t touch this!

Would look great in your tool room or kitchen. Or your kitchen tool room. Space is tight these days. You might have to double up. I’m not passing any judgments on you if your tool room is also your kitchen or vice versa. Even Julia Child was known to use a blow torch now and then.

But, since it’s not real, like I told you, you can’t touch this. Yeah, you can’t touch this. You can’t hang it on your wall either! So, get with the weather and say “hi” to Heather. This clock has no tether!

It’s off the wall, because it’s never been real! But, if it were, it would be a steal of a deal. Ha ha, he he, yee haw, y’all! And you know it’s off the hook, and the envy of ev’ry crook, because you can’t touch this. Naw, y’all. You can’t touch this!

Break it down? It runs on 2 AA batteries, or, at least, that’s I how envision it would run. Maybe it would need AC current, though. Hammers are pretty heavy for a small motor to turn around. We’ll need some horsepower on this baby. What say you? Maybe?

But wait…

Maybe you’re running late
For an important date
With your cute neighbor Kate.

Could be a trick of fate,
You gotta call from Nate
Who needs to get a plate?

It’s an annoying trait
Of your ol’ pal & mate
To cause you to be late.

But wait…

You’ve gotta pay the freight
To fetch his dining crate
Which was sent a cheap rate.

When you at least meet Kate,
For your important date,
She says, “Sorry, ate…

 

…with Nate.”

 

But, wait…

Stop! Hammer time!

The Mother (& Father) of All Banana Borg

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

After yesterday’s blog post about the Banana Borg, I know what you’re thinking…

You’re wondering how it could even be possible for a cyborg banana to exist.

Well, are you in for a surprise!

You see, it all starts when a banana hooks up with a mouse.

A mouse? Oh, I see, you think the mouse would eat the banana. Well, you might be right, but where you’re wrong is in thinking about the wrong type of mouse.

You see, I have an exclusive photo of the origins of the banana borg. Not even The National Enquirer could get a hold of this exclusive photo!

So, pat yourself on the back right now for choosing to read my blog instead. This is where you’ll find all the fruity scandals! Probably.

I went through a lot of trouble to get this photo for you. Many Bothans died in order to deliver the information that led to the capture of this image, so you should be grateful for their sacrifice so that you might know the truth.

And, being that truth is what we are all, at our core, after, you should be doubly grateful, for you not only get to satisfy your prurient interest but also your inner yearning for truth.

And by a truth we say the truth is the truth we say we’re after even when we don’t say we’re after the truth we seek and even though we may speak of wanting the truth while not really meaning we want the truth but still maintaining an inner desire for the truth, to speak the truth and to keep unhidden the truth even if our very natures belie the truth, that is but our outward nature and not the inner nature passionately seeking to be free and to escape and to learn the truth, to study the truth and to, ultimately, release that truth so that others who also seek that same truth might find it.

And, so thusly, this photo is released to the world, revealing the shocking origins of the banana borg. There is no turning back now! Do not scroll down further if you do not wish to see it, if you do not wish to have the truth revealed to you.

Of course, you know you cannot resist, for resistance is futile and your yearning for the truth will overcome any desire to keep it hidden away.

This is the last warning you will receive. Are you ready for the truth? Are you truly ready? Deep down, you are ready, though you may not be ready to admit that and, if you cannot readily admit it, seeing the shocking truth now may be too much for you to handle and I cannot accept any responsibility for any damage done to your psyche once the truth has been uncovered for you.

Well, then, take a deep breath and revel in the truth of the banana borg origins…

Banana Borg

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Just when you thought it was safe to reach back into the fruit basket… It’s the banana borg! One of a bunch of eight. You will be potassiumated. Resistance is slippery.

This used to be Tech Tuesday. Not for over a year, though!

This is one of those useless posts that is sure to make my blog immensely popular this month. I don’t get it. I post useful posts, and no one reads them. I post something completely off the wall, and people come crawling out of the woodwork to see them.

Maybe I should throw in some keywords to bring in the readers: banana borg, banana showing skin, one of eight, not seven of nine, not Jeri Ryan, not a picture of a naked woman eating a banana, bananarama, gone bananas, heaven help us all, what is this blog coming to, not a picture of a naked woman in an apron preparing a banana, not a banana and peanut butter sandwich like Elvis liked, not a stripper wearing a banana suit, banana banana banana, wherefore art thou my banana, not a vintage banana, not an antique banana, not a post on how not to go bananas, who needs a shrink, can you post banana photos on a WordPress blog, one banana two banana yellow banana green banana, did Dr. Seuss ever write about bananas, banana bing, bing bing bing, living in a banana republic, not a banana history report, no Dole bananas here, not about how to eat a banana, not a fried banana in the joint, not a banana museum, where have all the bananas gone?

There. That should get me some interesting traffic, no? I just hope no one comes looking for a naked Elvis painting with a banana leather frame.

You know what would be good? A banana dipped in chocolate. A chocolate-covered banana. On a stick.

A banana milkshake! A banana creme pie! There’s no limit to what you can do with a banana!

Even if it’s only making silly pictures with them.